Backup Plan

I don't know what to do. Honestly, I am genuinely perplexed. I'm talking, of course, about the 2009 Stanley Cup Playoffs, which begin tonight. I picked the Chicago Blackhawks and the Calgary Flames to meet in the Western Conference Finals, yet here they are, going after each other's throats in the opening round.

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In the Eastern Conference, things are looking a bit more palatable. I've picked the Carolina Hurricanes to match up against the Boston Bruins in the Conference Finals. But honestly, as long as the Philadelphia Flyers lose horribly -- preferably in a four-game sweep in the opening round, courtesy of cross-state rivals the Pittsburgh Penguins -- I will be more than happy. My distaste for the Flyers dates back more than two decades, when they inexplicably traded defencemen Brad McCrimmon to the Calgary Flames. His trade led to the slow but sure demise of what had been a close-to-unstoppable franchise in the late 1980s.

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But back to the West. Calgary has had its share of success; in 2004 it made it to the Finals only to lose in seven lousy games to the lowly Tampa Bay Lightning. (I thought for sure, by the way, that such an event was a clear sign of an impending apocalypse.) The Flames also won the Cup in 1989 ... thanks, in part, to the defensive prowess of McCrimmon. Chicago, on the other hand, hasn't been to the playoffs since 2002 and hasn't won a Cup in more than fifty years. They've got a good, young, exciting team. And they crushed Detroit in the final two games of the season. So I'm going with Chicago to make it to the Finals, versus, say, the Hurricanes. From there, whatever happens is all right with me.

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As 20th-century bard Jim Morrison once said, "I don't know what's gonna happen, man, but I'm gonna get my kicks before the whole shithouse goes up in flames."